Saturday, 16 August 2014

I'm feeling emotional :')

Hello there :) 

This isn't what I'm mean to be doing ... I should be asleep because I've just got back from a lovely holiday in Ireland and I'm exhausted but If I am going to write a blog post I should definitely be catching up on the " Smiley Sunday " posts that I have missed whilst being away ( I've got two to write :/ ) However, I have just come over very very emotional ... I'm crying . I'm not sad though, or upset just emotional :') So why ? Why am I sat in my room crying slightly confused if not slightly happy .. ? Well the answer is that I don't know but as I'm feeling emotional, there are a lot of thoughts in my head , thoughts I want people to hear because they matter to me .. and I feel like they need hearing ( wow I'm REALLY tired aha ... I mean just look at that excellent wording ;) ) 

Firstly I thought I'd explain how I ended up feeling this randomly emotional ... okay well, as I've said I came back from a holiday in Ireland a few hours ago and whilst in Ireland I missed people an awful lot, esspecially my friends and boyfriend because I like being surrounded by people who understand all the aspects of my life, know how I'm feeling and how to make me feel better and good about myself .. that's what friendship is and I often refer to my friends as my un-biological family because they are everything to me .. I mean my best friend practically lives with me half the time aha :) I wouldn't change any of them for the world <3 So I had a build up of love for my friends whilst I was gone from realising how much I loved and respected them :) Love is a very strong emotion and I feel it an awful lot and often get it mixed up with compassion that I feel for strangers and this is definitely not going where I planned ... I'm sorry I think this is just going to be a vent tonight but If you understand or take anything from it then let me know but I'm very tired so sorry about this aha :) Anyways, I love strangers or I'm filled with compassion for them , this is something I find difficult to distinguish between because the compassion I feel for strangers is so strong . In my head I see a person, a human life that is precious and amazing walking down the street. I don't know this person but that's the beauty of it because I want them to know the things in my head because I don't know what that stranger is going through , I don't know if they are the happiest person on earth ( in which case I want to join them and show them that they are right to be happy and almost congratulate them on their wonderful perception of the world ) or they might be suicidal ( In which case I want to help them, show them some kindness just to let them know that the world does have some good in ) . Regardless of the persons situation, they do not know my and likely never will , the only judgement they could have on me is by looking at me and I can't do much with that rather than where a top that says " hi, I love you and I hope you're having a wonderful day but If not I hope it gets better " and as a top like that would be quite difficult to come by .. I decided to smile at every stranger I make eye contact with to let them know that I'm happy and want them to be happy, so there is still something good in the world <3 It's also because of this that I write hopeful notes to strangers to say the things I would say to them if it was socially acceptable to go up to them in the street , I want the world to be a better, happy place and I want people to know that it isn't that bad no matter what they're going through, It is definitely worth living in :) 

This really isn't what I was going to talk about but I guess the reason I'm suddenly feeling even more attached to strangers is that in Ireland something AMAZING happened ! When I smiled at people... THEY SMILED BACK :D It actually makes my day every time someone smiles back because people smiling just makes the world a nicer place because every time you smile you actually feel better because it realises " Feel good" endorphins so now because of one simple action I made towards a person walking down the street, the worlds a very slightly happier place ... okay I do realise I sound made but I just feel so ... I don't know really . To be honest I wan't crying until I watched my idol,  Carrie Hope Fletchers, most recent video ( I'll link to it here <3 ) I don't know what it was about the video but she was talking about people thanking her . As a result I realised how much Carrie has effected my life. Since I started watching  "Itswaypastmybedtime"  I've become more positive, learnt to see the world in a different way, started to try and show others this way of seeing and started leaving hopeful notes because Carrie's hopeful notes inspired me to start being confident enough to show kindness to strangers and my life would still be stuck in sadness and thoughts that I would just grow up and work in a job that could pay the bills but now I believe in myself and that's not arrogant . Self belief is important and I'm going to have to write a whole post about that but Carrie pressed that button and I am so grateful to her <3 

I Have no idea what I have just written .. I'm sorry if my rambling was pointless , I'm aware the grammar was awful and the  punctuation that is pretty much non existent but I'm so tired <3 Please let me know if you understood any of that .. I'm sorry If I just wasted your time , we'll be back to normal soon :) 

Stay Strong <3 Stay Smiley :) 

I hope you're having a good holiday / life because you deserve one and I like you :) 

Much love, Love Much-ly 

P.s. Today's quote is : " Keep Smiling and Stuff" - Dan Howell ( Danisnotonfire ) because it sounds as vauge, confused and relevant as I feel :) That sentence didn't even make sense aha ... I'm going to go to bed <3 

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